Technically a memoir, Am I Having Fun Now? is also part self-help guide, part life lessons and part warm-hearted conversation with a friend. It is structured around chapters exploring different aspects of Suzi Ruffell’s life, from anxiety and relationships to ambition, sexuality and motherhood, weaving together personal stories with reflections that are both insightful and reassuring.
I loved the format. It kept the book moving at a lively pace while allowing each theme the space it deserved. Suzi writes with the same warmth, wit and impeccable comic timing that make her stand up so enjoyable, but she is also remarkably open. She shares what it was like growing up closeted in Portsmouth, never quite feeling she fitted in at school, battling anxiety, pursuing a career in acting before finding her true home in comedy, and ultimately discovering happiness in both her relationship and motherhood. Her voice is so authentic that I often felt as though she were sitting opposite me with a cup of tea, telling me her story.
Although this is not a comedy book, humour runs through every chapter, making even the most difficult subjects approachable. Her reflections on anxiety, how it quietly infiltrates every aspect of life, feeds ambition and fuels relentless overthinking, were particularly relatable. Yet there is never any sense of despair. Every chapter carries an undercurrent of resilience and optimism that reminds us life rarely turns out exactly as planned, but it can still turn out wonderfully.
I also loved the way music threads through the memoir. The songs that soundtrack different stages of Suzi’s life instantly transport the reader to particular moments in time, adding another layer of nostalgia and emotion.
Listening to the audiobook, narrated by Suzi herself, made the experience even more powerful. There were moments when you could hear the emotion behind the words, reminding you that, however polished the storytelling, some of these experiences are still deeply personal.
What surprised me most, however, was not the humour or even the honesty. It was how much the book challenged my own assumptions.
As a straight woman, I found it gave me a far deeper understanding of the prejudice and everyday challenges that many gay people continue to face. I realised, rather uncomfortably, that I had assumed society had moved much further forward than it actually has. Suzi describes not only the overt discrimination she has encountered, but also the countless small moments of misunderstanding, fear and self consciousness that can shape a person’s life. Reading her experiences made me appreciate how exhausting it must be to navigate situations that many of us simply never have to think about.
For me, that was one of the book’s greatest strengths. It doesn’t lecture or seek sympathy. Instead, through humour, honesty and vulnerability, it quietly invites the reader to see the world from someone else’s perspective. I came away not only entertained but better informed, more empathetic and with a renewed appreciation of how much work there is still to do before equality is something everyone can simply take for granted.
Warm, funny, thoughtful and deeply human, Am I Having Fun Now? is about finding your place in the world, embracing life’s imperfections and learning that happiness isn’t about having everything figured out. It is about discovering that sometimes being yourself is the bravest and most rewarding thing you can do.